A few months ago I took my 8mm projector and some movies to a dinner party. After a lovely meal with a group of gay men, I pointed the projector at the wall and showed the movie, "Sex Salad". The retro-cool angle of pulling out a Deco style steel and Bakelite antique gadget is, in itself a fun parlor trick. The fact that the images projected were kinky XXX rated gay porn only added to it. The audience was rolling on the floor laughing at this movie - a better reaction than I ever would have imagined.

Showing a movie after dinner on with Blu-Ray disc on giant flat screen is so passe it's almost automatic. Marshall McLuhan was right about film as a "hot" medium and television as a "cool" medium. The simple act of projecting a 30 year old movie onto a wall versus looking at the TV on the opposite wall made the simple act of watching instantly more engaging.

But back to the movie itself, "Sex Salad" was an obscure movie that has been sort of "lost" over the years. Long before Johnny Knoxville and his gang started performing "Jackass" style hi-jinx, (actually before those boys were born...), the unknown film maker did a small series of kinky videos that were more slapstick than sensual. There has always been an underlying vein of humor associated with porn, and most attempts at piercing through that thin veil are unsuccessful or unintentionally funny. The makers of "Sex Salad" knew they were creating comedy, but tried their best to keep it straight-faced and butch.

So what's so funny about "Sex Salad"? It's the inventive ways to use food as sex toys. Rather than just shove a cucumber up a guy's ass, they went to the trouble of coring out the inside of the cucumber for the top to wear over his dick to fuck someone in the ass. The hard-shell waxy skin of a cucumber makes a great green prosthetic dick and the extra wide thickness of it pleases the hungry bottom, actually giving new meaning to "hungry bottom".

But the cucumber is not the only vegetable exploiting in "Sex Salad". Carrots, tomatoes, celery, olives and lettuce are also subjected to acts of debauchery. Butt fucking with a bright red Beefsteak tomato worn as a cock ring is a sight to see! But the crowd pleaser when showing this movie to an audience is watching a dozen olives get shoved up a guy's ass only to have them spit out again and landing on another guy's face! Showing that scene will spice up any dull dinner party!

Before I get too analytical and pretentious (Did I really bring up McLuhan in a porn review?), I should talk about the men in this movie. In a word - HOT! In order of appearance, there is a hairy muscle daddy with a beard, followed by a shapely pretty boy with a perfect v-shaped torso and furry chest, and a smooth twink with a pre-Emo haircut that proudly matches the length of girth of his cock with that of a fat, juicy cucumber. For me, the burnt-orange shag carpet and red brocade curtains play a role just as important as the men themselves, but that's just my twisted sense of humor.

A well-orchestrated fetish sex comedy needs a boffo show-stopping finale, and this one truly delivers. The hunky three-some stand over a salad bowl of Romaine lettuce and tomatoes and shoot their loads into a tasty, though slightly salty, Bukaake Salad. The epilogue shows the boys fully clothed in period wear of the mid-1970's serving the "Sex Salad" to guests at their own dinner party.

If your dinner guests are beyond Martha Stewart, Paula Dean or Rachel Ray recipes and you need to get the conversation going, fire up VintageBareback.com and show them a bit of "Sex Salad". The party will either turn into a sloppy sex orgy, or they'll go home early and give you some private time to watch more porn.  

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